I personally don’t know how many types of anxiety there are, but I know there are a few. And I might hold one or even several due to the therapists I’ve in the past would often ask. But due to alexithymia I had difficulties describing it. I do have friends who have different types and that’s my only outlook on anxiety.

I think I suffer from social anxiety the most. Since I am rather introverted, and as a child I was shy, still am to a point. But due to masking and the years I’ve been doing it I can overcome some of it. For example one on one I don’t mind, I copy the recipient’s personality and use that. And for groups I just play the clown, everyone like a funny person. But not stand in the middle of the room and perform sort of clown, but someone who tells jokes in smaller circles of people, be it if I know them or not. But these are my coping mechanisms, and everyone is built differently. I could just sit quietly in a corner with a smaller friend group which I do also.

And these days I hardly go out, sort of becoming a hermit. The recent lockdowns didn’t help and if I want to go out, I need a specific reason and will hold back in going out until a better reason is needed. Like ‘oh I need item X, well I can wait’ the next day ‘okay now I need X, Y, Z, best to go out.’ and now with Christmas is coming up as I am writing this. Going out shopping is something I would like to avoid, just too many people, all packed together. Even with headphones on it can be too much.

By Stuart

The few friends who I know have autism do have depression or depressive episodes. I try to help them as well as any friend who needs help, but some people I have suggested taking professional help. Even I have had professional help but to little to no effect. I first started seeing my own depressive episodes at the young age of 13 and since then it has been growing ever since. To the point where I have nearly attempted suicide, after that I began to seek professional help. I am now at the point where I know I cannot just snap my fingers and it will disappear as much as I it like to. I’ve come to the terms that I will have this issue for life, and it will affect me from day to day.

Apparently, depression with autism is a common thing. And that’s how the world seems to be going, more and more people announcing that they have depression. It’s not a bad thing to admit if you don’t feel good about yourself. And I still wonder if I didn’t have that first depressive episode at 13 or if I admitted it sooner how different my life would be. And if you don’t know who to talk to, then talk to your doctor, because that’s what I did.

By Stuart